Manic Monday

Writing because if I don’t I’m afraid I am going to lose control and eat everything in the kitchen. I guess this is what recovery is…Taking control of those urges…. and knowing you can take control.

Its been an interesting day. Woke up feeling fine, got cranky as the day went on. At work, I am the different one. I am the odd one out now. I am the new J, or I feel like it. I am not like them.

I was, can still be, and am ashamed I acted like BK. Gossip, sadness, and insecurity is her life and nothing will change unless she learns how to stand up for herself.

Take the gossip out of my life, it’s not cool. No one likes to be talked about, and sadly, I am pretty sure it’s happening to me, I try not to care, I try not to think about it.

A famous quote I always try to keep in mind, ” What others think of me is non of my business “, Wayne Dyer.

It’s true. Words hurt and people are mean.

On good notes for the day, we are down to 4 days and 2 hours.

Bought two swim suites for the day. I tried them on in the store and tried not to degrade myself. I don’t want to hurt myself anymore. I need the strength to love myself and find who I am made to be.

The journey, its worth while I hear. The pain and heart ache, it’s worth it once you make it through.

That is what I think marriage will be like. A lot of pain, and a lot of hard times, but I know there will be love, happiness, and accomplishments, especially being with the one who gives strength to make it through the darkest times.

-kp