I can’t shake the feeling. lately I have been able to talk myself out of it, I have been able to ignore it. It doesn’t help that I feel like I can’t stop. I tasted the freedom and now I want it. I want it without consequences. Sometimes I think it was easier. I didn’t have to worry as much, I had a solution. I see something different. I think I see the real thing and I want to like it, but sometimes I don’t. It’s a step up from saying that I hate it. It just changes to much. It is so inconsistent. Without proof I don’t know. I am not sure I even want to know.